Posts Tagged With: sex

Sex & the Doctor/Patient Relationship


I’ve been working on my “new patient” paperwork for evaluating a new doctor. I never assume that the doctor I am seeing will work as a primary physician until after I have an initial appointment with them. Unless they can treat me as a partner and equal in my own health, I won’t have anything to do with them.

Now, I haven’t had any real issues filling these out, but I’m glad that when the paperwork is more than 2 pages long they chose to mail it out early to give me a chance to fill it out (whereas it would not be filled out completely if I had had it at the time of my appointment — it’s 4 pages, plus pages to explain my issues).

But I came across a question that I have never seen on a new patient intake form before.  They want to know if I’ve had more than 4 sexual partners.

I understand that sexuality is an important part of one’s health. Letting your doctor know about your sexual activity (and its relative health or ill health, as well as how careful or how ignorant you are about protecting yourself from STDs) is important. It is also important for them to know your sexual orientation and where you are on the whole gender spectrum.

But, it is a subject difficult for many people. Women who have had over 4 sexual interactions in their lives are told by our society that we are “dirty sluts” or “skanks.” It doesn’t bug me, but I could see some female patients avoiding the question for fear of being judged by the doctor. And that’s even BEFORE considering whether one should confide their sexual orientation, thoughts on polyamory/open relationships, transsexualism or any of thousands other issues that people fear to confide to anyone — let alone a medical professional who is supposed to have strict ethics.

It’s the specific number that bugs me. Who chooses that line in the sand? I know that “on an average” most heterosexual women have 4-5 sexual partners in their lives and most heterosexual men have maybe 6-8. I’ve never lied about the fact that my numbers are more than 10x the average for a heterosexual woman (which may be a surprise to one of my old boyfriends who found me on Facebook some months ago………I think I was still somewhere in the single digits when I was with him). But I can see some heterosexual woman (or even bisexual, not so sure about lesbians) looking at that and saying to themselves: “Oh, I’ve had 6. I must be a slut!!”

We are so very quick to judge ourselves worse than anyone else.

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Categories: Body Health, Mental Retraining | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hmm, Sex and Size

via Weight Watchers Implies Fat Women Don’t Enjoy Having Sex Because They’re Fat | Huffington Post

I considered letting this one slide on by.  But, even though it is Australia, the company (Weight Watchers) is located in New York.  Additionally, WW has made massive amounts of money by fat-shaming women all over the world.

I had been to one of their “support groups.” I’ve in fact been to a lot of the different fat-shaming weight industry – including corporate sponsored “Overeaters Anyonymous” meetings (yes, they even use the 12 step program to make people feel ashamed of themselves). Not a single portion of any of these companies really gives a shit about you.  All they want is that you continue to keep throwing money at them. They feed off of the idea that THEIR particular choices are the magic bullet that will make you thin.

But let me tell you something.  While I may have initial concerns about my body the first time I have sex with someone, it goes away the moment we start touching each other.  In fact, I love having the lights on.  I love exploring my lovers’ body and having him explore mine.  And I have had enough men in my life who literally stop moments after the last piece of clothing hits the floor.  Not because they are disgusted by what they see – in fact, most of them have said it was the most beautiful sight they’d ever seen.

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Penny Dreadful, Part 2

One of the thrusts of this series as a whole is exploring the line that separates man from beast.  This is a fairly obvious theme in Season 1.  It also is a main theme that runs through both the “pulp fiction” (dime novels, penny dreadfuls, and other short and lurid fictions that were popularized in the latter portion of the Victorian era) and the so-called Victorian “literature” of the age.

For me, this kind of thing actually goes back further, to the morality plays of medieval times which hoped to teach virtue to the lower classes.  There has always been an attempt by authors to wish to “raise the mind of the poor from the level of beasts to the height of moral rectitude.”

Yet in the latter part of Victoria’s reign in the British Empire, it was quite obvious that the rich in those countries – especially Britain – considered anyone not like themselves to be nothing better than beasts.  The pulp fiction then served as escapist entertainment, keeping the poor and the different “in their place.”

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Fat Sex? How about just sex?

via The Truth About Fat Sex

Look, I’m NOT a fetish.  I’m not a guilty secret.  I’m not someone who is just there for the booty call (unless I want to be).  And even if I’m a friend with benefits (FWB), I will not be hidden away and not seen in public with you.

I am a PERSON.  I am a human being with wants, desires and needs.  I’m not some blow-up doll available just for your enjoyment.

And, yes, I absolutely love sex.

I’m sick of the trope that every “fat person” on television on TV or in film must go from being a confident, self-assured, self-validating person to a shaking jello-mold of fear simply because someone else is about to see them naked.

Is it real?  Yes.  I’ve had my own fear of what a sexual partner will see and think when he first sees me naked.

But it is also a fear that can be overcome, and can be left behind.  It doesn’t have to happen EVERY time I choose to have sex with a new person.

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Categories: Body Positivity, Feminism, Gender Inequities, Non-Monogamy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Love Loves “Thick” Women

I watched this video, as it popped up along the side when I went to to find the original posting of the video I shared in yesterday’s post.

And it hurt.  It hurt because I see that same issue in MY boyfriend’s eyes.  I have occasionally cringed when he’s given me a sincere compliment, because he does admittedly like bigger ladies.  But I see the self-hate in his own eyes when he looks at himself.

He’s a beautiful man, inside and out.  He’s confident, strong and so very capable.

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Mrs. Grundy Has Never Been a Friend

Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.

Lazerus Long
Time Enough for Love
(Robert Heinlein)

The fact that the name Mrs. Grundy shows up in so many books tells me that the mysterious “They” that people refer to has always been a thing. Continue reading

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Sacred Does Not Mean Limited

I’m not running down sex; sex is swell, sex is wonderful. But if you put a holy aura around it—and that is what you are doing—sex stops being fun and starts being neurotic.

Lazarus Long;
Time Enough for Love
(Robert A. Heinlein)

This isn’t a post about different marriage styles. It’s not even about the morality of sex.

It’s about understanding what sex is, and treating it as the gift it is.

When people choose the intimacy of sex, even if it’s casual or any other kind, there is a bond created even if it is only temporary.  It’s one of the very few times the human soul can reach out and connect to another soul.  Continue reading

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Calling Out Those Doing Harm

Just a Note:
When I am speaking about others – unless I either have their permission to name them publicly, OR in the case of actual abuse DONE TO ME or IN MY PRESENCE – I will do my best to keep their identities private. In some cases, one may THINK they know whom I am talking about, but unless you actually know me and are actually trusted by me, I will NEITHER confirm nor deny the identification of the person in particular.


The other day, I called out a minor in my family. There are a number of minors in my family, and I will NOT state in this public forum who they are.

I called them out for sexually objectifying behavior. They posted something inappropriate to their Facebook wall, and within the bounds of Facebook privacy, I called them out by name within the limited public exposure of intersecting Facebook “friends.”

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Categories: Body Positivity, Gender Inequities, Sexual Positivity | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sex as a Woman

via My Vagina Runs My Life | Vanessa de Largie.

My vagina does NOT run my life.  Not any more than most men allow their penises (peni? I never took Latin, but I think peni works better! LOL) to do so.

The writer has a list of phrases that other people use to describe her and judge her as a woman with a high libido.  I’ve heard some of them myself, mostly from other women.
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