Posts Tagged With: rape

And You Wonder Why We Live In Fear


There is sadly a truism about dating in this over-connected world.  There is always a seeming level of disconnect between the types of communication that are available to us. Someone you might enjoy the company of in person can become someone entirely different when texting or emailing.

Plus, we women have to make a risk assessment any time we physically meet someone we’ve only just met on the Internet. It’s actually something we have to do any time we’re out with someone – even someone we may have known for a while.

Men complain that we don’t trust them. That we assume the worst of them before they’ve even gotten a chance.

As girls, we’re taught that men and boys only want one thing — to have sex with us. So before we’ve even started dating, we’re already set up to be afraid — whether it is on a conscious level or not. Then, we’re taught to dress in a certain way, act in a certain way or any of hundreds of other little criticisms about our behavior that eventually mean that if a man or boy actually attacks us sexuality, we are already set up to believe that the problem is with us, that we somehow provoked the attack by how we dressed or how we acted.  Rarely, until more recently, was it ever stated clearly in many public discussions that perhaps the rapist is the problem, not us.

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Categories: body autonomy, Feminism, inequity | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Reclaiming Our Own Bodies

via It’s Time To Reclaim The Word “Pussy” — And Our Vote

I promised myself that I would no longer get into any discussions about politics.  And, guess what?  This is NOT about politics.

It’s about making sure my body is MINE — and not owned by some random man who thinks he owns any woman’s body whenever he wants it.

Like this woman, I have been touched by a man against my own will.  And, I spent a good portion of my life actually believing I had NOT been a victim of sexual assault.  Why?  I’m glad you asked that question.

The answer, however, is probably something you don’t want to hear.

Unwanted sexual touching has been normalized in our culture for pretty much not only during the entire history of our nation, but was previously normalized in the cultures that spawned our nation.

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Categories: Feminism | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why We Stay Silent……


via Moms And Dads: What Your Daughter Hasn’t Told You About Sexual Assault

Read this. Please.

This isn’t about politics. It isn’t about who is better or worse. It isn’t even about ideologies.

It’s about us……and what kind of a world we want the next generations to live in.

The woman who wrote this is 27 years old. She IS the next generation to someone like me. If I had had a child at age 20, she would be this woman’s age right now.

She, like many of us, has experienced sexual harassment and sexual assault — but she, like me, has been one of the lucky ones. One of the ones who somehow lucked out that their responses got the men (oh, how I cringe to say that……because they aren’t men……they’re spoiled rotten assholes who have been told all of their lives that this kind of thing is OK to do to a female) to back off or protected themselves just enough to not get raped.

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Categories: General Contemplation | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

“There is no situation in which an individual cannot control his/her sexual urges.”

Via Judge Dispels The Myth Of The ‘Perfect’ Rape Victim In Powerful Verdict

There is NO EXCUSE for the fact that our culture STILL teaches us that when it comes to sex, the male is at the mercy of his sexual urges and therefore innocent of this heinous crime because the woman should have been pure and virginal. 

How can the rational men in our culture actually be happy to be told they are nothing more than than rabid beasts??

In any other crime — especially ones which are motivated by a need to control and subjugate the victim —the victim is EXPECTED to have a hard time remembering the exact details of it.  Yet, in rape cases not only does the victim get judged for a spotty memory caused by shock, the victim’s entire life choices are on trial as well.

God forbid that a woman like myself, who has a fairly large sexual history, gets raped. Everybody KNOWS a woman like me is just ASKING FOR IT!

Out of the 70+ men I have slept with in my entire life, I can honestly say that I felt “obligated” and/or “forced” to have sex with approximately half of that number. I’m fairly certain that the men involved would be horrified to learn that I felt that way (except for the small percentage who felt that I OWED them the sex)!

But someone like me doesn’t deserve justice, right? I’m just a dirty slut who somehow DESERVES to be raped, because “I’m just giving it away!”

BUZZZZ, wrong again!

It doesn’t matter what my sexual history is! I could be a prostitute, and still be raped. 

It’s NOT about sex. It’s about power and control. And it’s about men who feel entitled to own or control any vagina they see. These mass murders by “rejected” men or the players clubs or the pick up artist seminars are all about the same damned issue! These are all ways to encourage men to view women as a combination of prize and prey.

I’m not going to talk about your mothers, sisters or daughters. I want to talk to YOU!!!!

Are you really content to live in a culture that sees you as a rabid beast? A culture that limits your expression of yourself to that of a predator? A culture that values hiding your real self behind bullshit, drama and a constant struggle for power?

Categories: body autonomy, Sexual Positivity | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An Open Letter to ‘Mary From Martha’

via An Open Letter to Target: Regarding your New Restroom Policy

This is my own open letter to you. Please, understand this is not an attack.  Nor is it a vilification or persecution of you as a Christian.  As I have stated before on this blog, while I am not a Christian, my family is — and they are my standard for what makes a good, righteous Christian.

While your statistics are clear, both on the number of LGBTQ in the country and on the rape statistics.  But I have answers for your questions to Target: Continue reading

Categories: Body Positivity, Gender Inequities | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments

Why It’s So Hard For Many Of Us To Report Sexual Assault

via ALL The Inappropriate Questions The NYPD Asked Me After I Was Sexually Assaulted

Just because this happened in New York doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen in smaller cities and towns.

I never reported any of the times I was sexually assaulted growing up.  Not since my parents didn’t believe that a ten-year-old boy ripped my halter off to see my breasts when I was 13.  I figured, if my parents didn’t believe me, surely the police would blame me as well.  And even if the assaults stopped being quite so often once I hit my 20s, the sexual harassment continued until I started to hit my 4os. Plus, I am convinced that the reasons the assaults tapered off in my 20s is that after I got married, the emotional and mental abuse was already taking a toll on my personality and my looks.

It’s not that the police aren’t offering women sympathy for reporting an assault.  It’s that our culture is so steeped in “boys will be boys” that these inappropriate questions and comments are somehow considered “sympathetic.”

In WHAT world is some stranger reaching down and firmly grabbing someone’s genitals an appropriate action? Hell, the perpetrator himself knew he was out of line, because he had his shirt up over his mouth and nose.

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Categories: Feminism, Gender Inequities, Mental Retraining | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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