Posts Tagged With: communication

Defining Your Terms

While I’m not quite as bad as my Grammar-Nazi sister, there are some frustrations that pop up once in a while.  Plus, I seem to be getting reminders in the last few months that using the correct terms — especially with your mental and physical health care personnel — is extremely important.

My frustrations with other people’s misuse of idioms include the following cringe-worthy items:

  • “For intensive purposes” — No, that would be “for all INTENTS AND purposes”
  • “Extract revenge” — “EXACT revenge”
  • “Part and partial” — “part and PARCEL
  • “By in large” — “by AND large”
  • “Case and point” — “case IN point”
  • “Orientate” — “ORIENT” (the noun form — orientation — does NOT get translated into orientate! The correct verb form is ORIENT). The same issue seems to happen with the noun form of conversation — No, the verb form is NOT conversating. It is CONVERSING

But, that’s a bunny trail. The real issue is that too often we seem to be forgetting that just because a descriptive word or phrase makes sense to us, it rarely means the exact thing to someone else.  Remember my discussion on connotation versus denotation? (links to definitions, if you didn’t read the previous post)

I had a recent interaction with someone where I was repeatedly required to ask how they were defining their terms.  Sadly, their idea of “defining their terms” was to repeat the word or phrase with the inclusion of a generalized adjective (such as “very” or “extremely”). This is NOT defining your terms. In fact, it isn’t even communicating.

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Categories: Mental Retraining | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Useful Anger

Anger has a purpose.  Hell, even rage has a purpose.  But, we — particularly we women —are often discouraged from expressing anger.

Why?  Because anger scares people.  Expressed anger tends to make us automatically feel defensive, even if we know logically that we are not necessarily the cause of that anger.

I have chosen Tūtū Pele, the Hawaiian Goddess of Fire, Wind, Lightening and Volcanoes as well as being their mythology’s Creatrix, because She — along with many other Goddesses who get a bum rap because They are not sweet, lovely sops to the ideal of the demure woman, such as my Matron the Mór-ríoghain — is willing and able to stand up and command attention.

Our society teaches us to hide our anger, suppress our rage.  Particularly we women are expected to do this automatically, because we are supposed to be the compassionate ones, the nurturing ones.  Yet, sometimes, the best communication of our nurturing behavior is to express the anger we feel.

I am NOT IN ANY WAY advocating abuse.

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Categories: Mental Retraining | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cheating, Is It Possible In Poly?

Simple answer?  Yes!

And, honestly, it looks absolutely no different in polyamory than it does in monogamy.  Cheating requires lying to your significant other(s) either by omission (didn’t tell you the whole story, intentionally leaving out important details) or by commission (actually bald-faced lying to their face).

Let me tell you a little story about one couple.  I belong to a group for polyamorous people, because let’s face it, being part of a sub-culture – particularly one that either confuses people or pisses them off – sometimes requires a certain amount of social interaction to help people feel less alone.  And sometimes, this group has discussion meetings where anyone can bring up something that confuses them, hurts them or they just plainly need more information.

It just so happened that on one of those nights that a couple came in (minimal description to protect confidentiality).  She was petite and cute, and he was large and imposing.  I won’t lie – I made an assumption before either of them opened their mouths.  I assumed the guy was poly, and the gal was confused and maybe a bit hurt.  Boy, was I WRONG!

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Categories: Non-Monogamy | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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