Hmm, Sex and Size

via Weight Watchers Implies Fat Women Don’t Enjoy Having Sex Because They’re Fat | Huffington Post

I considered letting this one slide on by.  But, even though it is Australia, the company (Weight Watchers) is located in New York.  Additionally, WW has made massive amounts of money by fat-shaming women all over the world.

I had been to one of their “support groups.” I’ve in fact been to a lot of the different fat-shaming weight industry – including corporate sponsored “Overeaters Anyonymous” meetings (yes, they even use the 12 step program to make people feel ashamed of themselves). Not a single portion of any of these companies really gives a shit about you.  All they want is that you continue to keep throwing money at them. They feed off of the idea that THEIR particular choices are the magic bullet that will make you thin.

But let me tell you something.  While I may have initial concerns about my body the first time I have sex with someone, it goes away the moment we start touching each other.  In fact, I love having the lights on.  I love exploring my lovers’ body and having him explore mine.  And I have had enough men in my life who literally stop moments after the last piece of clothing hits the floor.  Not because they are disgusted by what they see – in fact, most of them have said it was the most beautiful sight they’d ever seen.

I love sex. I love the different textures of a lover’s skin. I love that I can drive a man to distraction in bed. In fact, there have only been two lovers in my 70+ men experience who have spoken negatively about my body and having sex with me.  That was my ex-husband and one of my earliest boyfriends.  That’s less than 3% of my lovers.

 I can also tell you that I have experienced sex with a wide assortment of male bodies and male personalities.

I don’t sleep with men who act as if they are granting me a favor with their attentions to me, nor will I date them. In fact, I won’t even let that kind of man buy me a drink.  I don’t sleep with men for whom I am considered the “fat friend” (nor will I spend any time with women who want to hang out simply because my size makes them think guys would find them more attractive).

Nor will I even consider sleeping with a man for whom my weight is a fetish.  I am NOT a fetish.

Even though I’ve had a larger grouping of lovers than the average American (according to assorted different surveys, the average number of lovers for an American woman is less than 5, and the average for men is less than 10), it DOES NOT mean that I am indiscriminate. In fact, my standards for a man I’m willing to sleep with is quite high.

But, then again, I am someone who is willing to have “friends with benefits.” And no, no matter what Hollywood tries to tell you, FWB does not inevitably end in pain.  A real FWB relationship is more than just sex.  That’s because it requires a FRIENDSHIP.  Without the friendship, it is just a supposedly “safe” booty call.

Let me tell you something, ladies.  If you think you’re too ugly to have sex with, then there is something truly wrong with you that has NOTHING to do with your actual body size.

The issue is NOT your body size.  The issue is in your HEAD.

Do I occasionally wish I were smaller?  Yes, everyone does once in a while.  But not ever when I am out with someone I am romantically interested in.  And more often than not, the only time I am nervous about having sex with someone is BEFORE the date, not during.  During the date is about enjoying each others’ presence. If you are worrying about your body during a date, you need some serious therapy.

The date should never be about yourself.  If you can’t be with someone without thinking about yourself, you need to learn to be less narcissistic.

I don’t like to think that most humans are that narcissistic that they can’t spend a few hours enjoying the presence of another human being.

And trust me, it is fairly easy to see whether the person you are with is focused on their own screw-ups or problems while you are supposed to be spending time with them.


Categories: Body Positivity | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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