Since the convention, I’ve mostly been recovering from the serious “spoon deficiency.” This convention is essentially my vacation from the world, and like many other sci fi/fantasy geeks, I tend to try to squeeze all the fun I can in the 4 days the convention is going on. Plus, this year it included me needing to be there early to ensure I got space in the Art Show for my debut as an artist – so it wasn’t just for fun, it was also technically a “working” convention (which pretty much meant I was there from midday Wednesday to Sunday evening – a total of 103 hours. Don’t ask me how many of those hours I spent sleeping, because I have no clue). It’s also why I spent money and time on costuming, because if I want to garner attention for my art, it behooves me to be more “visible” as well. In the past, I’ve tended to allow myself to fade into the mass of humanity and spend time people-watching. It’s only since 2014 that I have chosen to actively “let my freak flag fly.”
For this kind of convention, each of us “pays” for it in different ways. For myself, I originally thought I had gotten away with only a small amount of energy exhaustion. That’s why you saw a spate of posts two weeks ago. Then, on top of it, I was able to restart my vitamin and mineral supplements again (as well as the additional ones my doctor has been wanting me to start taking). And, sadly, I had a fairly deep depression bout that has been kicking my ass. Trying to do something like write these posts was just too much, and all I could do was sleep. I didn’t even want to think about doing creative work, because most of my artwork is frankly emotionally draining. Why? Because it comes from my subconscious and puts a face and a feeling to those “monsters” hiding there.
Maybe that’s why I love the absurdity of The Tick. I know damned well that I can get quite serious, and lose the ability to spontaneously be silly. It’s one of the reasons my ex thought I had absolutely no sense of humor. I do have a sense of humor, I just don’t go out of my way to be silly 100% of the time. And often, because I have a very dry sense of humor, some people don’t always get why I think something is uproariously funny.
I think it is also why I tend toward two entirely separate art movements for my art. The Photoshop photo manipulations I do tend to be darker and has definite Surrealism leanings. The work I do in Illustrator is more hopeful, more idealized and tends to be more Art Nouveau in style. While I am keeping a list of ideas for art, I have more items for the surrealism work than I have for the other. It’s not that I don’t have ideas for the Art Nouveau-esque work, it’s that I have about 4x as many of the surreal than the more hopeful work.
Given how much of my life that I have hidden the more chaotic feelings, the out-of-control feelings, it’s not in any way surprising that I have more inspiration for the darker themes. There are all of those repressed and suppressed “monsters” wanting to be seen and heard. On top of that, since my therapist wants me to “sit with” those emotions, being able to spend hours visually communicating those emotions helps me to exorcise the ones that need to be released, and learn how to deal with the ones that are useful.