What Is A “Real Woman?”

via My Rage About “Real Women” ∴ Warning: Curves Ahead

This isn’t a scheduled post, rather one that has an important message.

There is a reason I post about general body acceptance rather than just the more limited fat acceptance movement. That reason is because I know just how hard it is for anyone (male or female) to accept their bodies as they are (rather than not loving ourselves unless we have whatever idealized body we want to have).

And yes, the “real women have curves” movement is still body shaming!

Like the author of this article, I believe “real women” are simply WOMEN. It doesn’t matter if they are fat or thin, nor does it matter if they have had to had a surgery that removes primary or secondary sexual attributes (defined as including women who have had mastectomies, women who have had hysterectomies, trans women, or anyone else who feels that without a portion of their body that they are somehow “less than a ‘Real Woman™’”

In fact, I was warned about that emotional backlash that might happen after my hysterectomy, both by my therapist at the time (who was also experiencing her own issues because she was suffering from breast cancer, and was taking a sabbatical to heal after her mastectomy) and by a friend.  Before the surgery, I was completely sure I wouldn’t have any emotional backlash.  After the surgery, the combination of my ex’s repeated “you’re too fat to be desirable” combined with our culture’s sick view of the “less than perfect woman” hit me very hard. It wasn’t just that, it was also that one of the other changes in my personality was that I went from having a very low (nearly non-existent) libido to almost a nymphomaniac’s libido (which, I found with research, fairly often happens to a woman who has a hysterectomy, but who is also someone who has a repressed sex drive).

Why do we have to compete with each other?  Attraction is a matter of chemistry.  I have no interest in ever again dating someone who isn’t attracted to my body type.  And those I am attracted to?  I don’t have a preferred body type – just non-physical characteristics that attract me to a certain person.  Things like intelligence, common sense, a sense of humor, compassion, honesty or any of a huge list of things I like about a human being.  And I don’t limit that to just sexual attraction.  Frankly, I prefer friends with those kinds of qualities as well.


Categories: Body Positivity | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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