There’s a certain type of lowlife troll that is both online and running around in real life. This species of troll aims their attention to women who fit a certain type of profile. Actually, there are two subspecies of this kind of troll.
- The troll that aims for fat women on the assumption that they will “put out” (i.e. have sex with the troll) with very little persuasion. This is no different than the average “player” who is looking for whomever can be described as “low hanging fruit.”
- The kind of troll that haunts dating sites and locations where their targets are likely to hang out. Their targets, you ask? Women over the age of 40, who are fat, poor and single.
This second sub-species is particularly prevalent on dating sites. More often than not, these are con-men. They send what amounts to a form letter to women who fit his victim profile. At the beginning of the conversation, their comments are fairly generic and heavily weighted towards empty flattery. It is only once you respond in some kind of positive feedback that they even look at your profile (rather than just your photo and age).
That’s when they start getting more specific. It’s easier for them if the victim is Christian (active or not makes no difference), which describes approximately 70% of their American victims. They use synonyms for the exact qualities that their victims are looking for.
They also tend to be some form of wealthy person — CEO, obscure royalty living in America, someone who retired early (having made loads of money), obscure YouTube celebrity, etc. They take profile photos from Facebook of the kind of person they are trying to impersonate. Sometimes they even try to take as much identity as they can from the person they steal the photo from (taking the location, the kind of family they have, etc.)
In short, they set themselves up to look like Prince Charming. And most of us (not just women over 40, but most people in general) still have some kind of hope for that “impossible dream” that someone will come and “save us.”
Many of the ones on dating sites are looking to bilk you of as much money and gifts as possible. They come up with some reason you need to send them money, or some reason you have to sign for some generic package for them to pick up (which I’m fairly sure is most likely to be something the federal government won’t like you accepting). If these things aren’t illegal, then you’re forced to pay them COD (cash on delivery). This is the online dating version of the “Nigerian Email Scam.”
And when you call them on this, they become verbally abusive.
Well, I just recently called one on their behavior. His response was that I was insecure, bitter and FAT (exactly as he wrote it). Really? Hmmmm, let’s take those one at a time, shall we?
“Insecure” — I would bet you that at any given moment, there are millions of people who are feeling insecure. Whether they’re insecure about their bodies, their personality, their relationships or anything, it really doesn’t make a difference. Insecurity is part of the human condition.
BUT……successful human beings accept the fact that they are insecure, and instead of blaming everyone else around them for MAKING them feel insecure — they find the reasons why they are insecure. And more often than not, it’s a self-esteem/self-worth problem. If I have insecurity, I know it is more than enough time to rely on my own self-validation of worth. I rebel against that inner critic, and stand up to it’s cruelty. It’s my own mind trying to make me feel bad.
So, no……Mr. Troll, I’m not the kind of insecure person you want me to be. At least, I’m no longer that kind of person. I am willing to take romantic risks, because I have come to know my own worth. And no, it isn’t all tied up in my desirability (not that I have had ANY difficulties with that in the past couple of years). I’m even willing to go the casual sex route if I feel like it, because it is MY choice whether or not to do so. But I’m not desperate for male attention, nor for romantic attention.
“Bitter” — According to Dr. Stephen A. Diamond at Psychology Today, bitterness is “a chronic and pervasive state of smoldering resentment.”
He goes on to say:
“Bitterness is a kind of morbid characterological hostility toward someone, something or toward life itself, resulting from the consistent repression of anger, rage or resentment regarding how one really has or perceives to have been treated. Bitterness is a prolonged, resentful feeling of disempowered and devalued victimization. Embitterment, like resentment and hostility, results from the long-term mismanagement of annoyance, irritation, frustration, anger or rage. Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche noted that ‘nothing consumes a man more quickly than the emotion of resentment.’ ”
Yes, at the beginning of leaving my ex, I certainly did feel a great deal of bitterness. I had spent a good portion of my married life repressing justifiable anger at the way I was treated, resentment to the effect of “Why me?”, disempowerment because I had given away my power (and often refused to see that I had done so). So, yes, technically I have felt bitterness.
But it is NOT an emotion I am willing to allow any more power in my life. Living in bitterness is a cancer in the soul. It destroys any chance at enjoying your life or feeling contentment. If I wanted to live in that emotion, I would have stayed married.
To be bitter as a default emotion means that you are telling yourself you are powerless to change your life. That you have lost control, and are looking for someone else to give you back the power you feel was stripped from you.
Are there things in life that we are powerless to change? Yes, there are. But, in general, you only become truly powerless if you insist on giving someone else the power to affect your life and your decisions.
“FAT” — Oh, gee…was I supposed to be surprised or dismayed that I am FAT? I mean, I never knew before because no one before HIM told me that I was fat! I should hide my “whale-like blubber” from the view of good people, because it’s “shameful and disgusting” and obviously I don’t deserve love and affection.
Seriously, people, start coming up with better insults. Come up with something truly inventive! Hell, go back to Shakespearean English — there are some quite witty insults that you can use from that type of English.
I may be fat, I may be poor, but I am in NO WAY stupid. And certainly not stupid enough to fall for a lazy-ass con-man. Five minutes of Googling goes a long way to protect yourself from that kind of idiot troll.