Monthly Archives: June 2016

Dick Pics & Self-Esteem

via Redditors Explain Why They Send Wiener Pics

I’ve heard many excuses for why guys send women photos of their “wee willies” (OK, who asked for the Mike Meyers soundtrack to be an earworm? Now, I have him doing a bad Scottish accent in my head!!)

But every single reason comes down to a self-esteem issue.  You know, that thing that guys try to deny that they feel?

Sadly, as read in this article, it’s not just self-esteem, it’s literally sending one off in order to think that someone, somewhere out there is looking at your genitals.  The woman on the other side doesn’t really matter, she’s really just a faceless audience member.

Guys, come on.  Men trying to say that they don’t have self-esteem issues are like a pet trying to cover up their shit on linoleum.  No matter how much you do it, the shit ain’t going to get covered.

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Things A-Changin’

I think I’ve said something about this before, but if not…I’m putting six pieces of my art into the Art Show at CONvergence 2016 (a.k.a. CVG)  It is only my second art show outside of school.  And the other one was when I was very young. Yes, I am fearing no one will like my art, because well, I can’t seem to stop with the self-criticism. But, no matter how afraid of it I am, I WILL do this!

Now, I’ll admit, I’ve been attending CVG for most of its history, only missing two out of the 17 previous conventions (1999 and 2015). This also means I’ll be fairly quiet from Wednesday, June 29 through Sunday, July 3 (I may be out longer than that, depending on how much sleep I need to recover from spending those days at the con).

I consider CVG to be a safe space for me.  Why? Because for the most part, attendees are some of the most open-minded yet sensible people I have ever met.  Oh, there are those who aren’t, but having known a good portion of the con-comm (essentially the decision-makers for the convention) and many of the volunteers (having volunteered a number of years myself – particularly a few years volunteering in the Art Show), I know exactly who and when to run for a security person or a wandering host if there is an issue.

It’s not just because it is a group of geeks and nerds about science fiction/fantasy.  It’s about being able to put your “real life” on hold for a few days, and choosing to let the Universe be in charge.

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Nicknames for Things

Do you remember a past post about how I was raised on folk music, some of which is either straight out racist or stolen from other ethnicities, and how there are times when I enjoy the songs, and other times they make me cringe?

Well, it’s not just music.

If you pay attention, you can find many things about the overall American culture that are cringe-worthy to the average modern American.  And not just racism, sexism, size-ism or anything else I rant about, they are simply things that used to be acceptable but are no longer.

Admittedly, some of them are a matter of political correctness gone wild. Things like the belief that men cannot EVER be feminists, because they have a penis and are therefore responsible for all the evils of society.  Things like being offended on the behalf of a so-called “minority” (because, face it people, other ethnicities make up more than half of the American population – just like the Irish and Italian ethnicities did….and at one time both the Irish and the Italian were ALSO considered a “dirty, evil, lazy minority.”) without actually attempting to learn about the sub-culture1 they are supposedly protecting.

You want to protect the rights of the Native Americans, the Latinos, the African-Americans and the Asian Americans or any other group like those with disabilities or even something like sizeism (being too fat OR too thin)?  Well, that’s a start at least.  HOWEVER, if you really do want to do that, you had damned well go to someone of that group, and shut up.  Let them talk.  Let them educate you about their heritage, their particular culture and traditions, their life and limitations and what THEY want you to do to help them.  Don’t just go swan in like some obese, bearded fairy godmother and expect slavish devotion because you deigned to grace them with your presence.  Don’t interrupt, and offer your own supposed “unbiased opinion,” because it is rarely unbiased, and often crudely ignorant based on whatever stereotypes you were raised believing in. And yes, this is a white, fat woman saying this.  I try not to make judgements about what people should do to protect people of color without contacting either or both of my beloved African American elders.  I try to keep an eye on what they are doing both inside their community, and outside of it to educate others.  For example, one of them (Amoke Kubat) wrote and starred in ANGRY BLACK WOMAN and Well Intentioned White Girl and actually touches on some of these issues.

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Categories: Feminism, Gender Inequities | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I Haven’t Done In Ages

When I met my ex, I was working as a wench at the Bristol Renaissance Fair.  I’d also been a fairly active member of the Society for Creative Anachronism (the SCA) up until that time.  I tried to get him interested in what I was doing, because both of those experiences were one of the few creative outlets I allowed myself to have.  Plus, they also gave me an emotional support system of like-minded individuals.

The reason he gave for not wanting to be part of the SCA was that he had enough trouble between keeping a hold of reality between his love of role playing games, he didn’t want to essentially be part of a LARPing group, and lose his handle on reality.  There was no real excuse for me dropping the Renaissance fair, other than I became too busy “taking care of him” to keep my connections to it active.

Here, I’m talking about how he isolated me from my support network (except for my family, because I think he knew that attempting to make me turn my back on them would make me leave), and I’m STILL finding a way to excuse his behavior.  I just had to erase half of the post simply because I was spending all of those paragraphs making excuses.

Yes, I’m STILL trying to break that habit.

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Being Fat Is Not The Worst That Can Happen

via Fat Girl Job Clarification

Look, I’m not going to list the millions of things that are worse than being fat.  If you can’t name 20 things that are worse than being fat in the next five minutes, then frankly you need a brain transplant.

But there is one thing that is worse that I will talk about.  And that is being a judgemental asshole.

Let me give you some facts here, just from my own life.  I’ve posted numerous photos of me from when I was younger.  In fact, the one that most shows how fat of a child I was can be seen to the right.  I’m the larger child on the left.

The list of supposed “weight related diseases”  includes the following: High blood pressure, heart disease/stroke, diabetes, gall bladder issues, osteoarthritis, gout and sleep apnea.

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Being Tamed – How I Lost My Rebellion

Therapy today was interesting, even though it pushed quite a few buttons. Essentially, if you distill it down to its base, my personality is based on essentially being the Rebel. Too much disapproval. Too much being the pariah, the outcast from society.  Too much blazing my own trail.

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Wedding Etiquette … Or How to NOT Screw Over Your Friends

Unsurprisingly to my regular readers, I have some very strong opinions when it comes to weddings. And not a single one of them indicates that a bride (or a groom for that matter) should be a “Bridezilla.”

Yes, this is a special day for both the bride and groom.  HOWEVER, it’s just another day for everyone but the bride and groom, and they need to acknowledge and stay aware of that fact if they want to have any friends (or friendly family for that matter) after the wedding.

With the advent of “exotic location” weddings, there is an expectation that your family and friends are willing to put their lives on hold while they fly off to some location for your wedding (paying for 1 or more airline seats – more if there are children involved), a hotel room for the entire length of stay (because if you’re off at a special location, staying only 1 day is pretty much a waste of money), and small other issues like food AND the wedding present.

And these kinds of weddings aren’t being created for just some so-called exotic place.  Sometimes the wedding coincides with another event.  And the wedding guests are expected to not only pay for their hotel stay, but also for whatever event the “happy couple” has decided to grace with their wedding.  This includes Renaissance fairs, conventions, sports events, concerts and any other place or time when the guests are still supposed to put out money that they may or may not be able to afford.

Because, if people are your good friends, you will probably be aware of their financial situation – at least in the abstract.

And this is where the “-zilla” part comes in.

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Body Image Issues

via Viral Facebook Post Nails Why So Many Women Struggle With Body Image

As I said in yesterday’s post, manufacturers like the fact that women end up struggling with finding clothing that fits — either too large (i.e. “vanity sizing”) or too small.

Like the caricature of the beauty mogul in Catwoman, the fashion industry, the beauty industry and the weight loss industry all have an interest in keeping women insecure about their body and their relative attractiveness.  Without the fashion and beauty industry telling us that if we only use their products, we wouldn’t be old, fat or ugly.

If we didn’t have that insecurity, we would be more able to stand up to those industries, and require them to reflect the average woman, rather than some idealized perfection that NO ONE reflects.

In fact, if you ever watched things like Project Runway, you would hear all sorts of reasons that fashion designers insist on designing for the androgynous body type.  It is the easiest body type to design for, because it has more straight lines than a more curvy woman (and, no, I’m not using the word curvy in place of fat – I’m saying curvy as in actually having a curve from bust to waist and from waist to hip). In fact, I remember watching one episode in which the designers were required to design for a plus sized woman, and was horrified at the catty, snarky comments that the designers made away from their models.

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Categories: Body Positivity, Feminism | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Over-Priced “Plus-Size” Explained

via Why larger sizes cost more or Size is nothing but a number – Fashion-Incubator

I’ve wanted to know what is the real reason why clothing manufacturers insist on higher prices for what they erroneously call “plus-size.” Well, this article defines it.

HOWEVER, there is a second reality here in the US, where many clothing designers live.  The average female size in America is a size 14, converting the average male’s sizes to their female equivalent comes to a size 13 (which is not technically a size for women, so men would have to either choose a 12 or a 14).  Because of that, clothing for anyone over a 10 in women’s sizes doesn’t technically “fit” within the average fabric widths.

Thing is, with a lot of the changes in computerization and the ability to make your own design and print it on a fairly large width fabric, there is NO reason to not manufacture fabric upon which the “medium size” allows 14 to be the medium. Continue reading

Categories: Body Positivity | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

Life’s Little Ironies

I may have posted this before, but I’m sure it is of help to someone else out there.

My ex-husband has written (and self-published) a book about coping with PTSD. And yes, I picked up a copy to see how he handled our relationship.  I tried not to buy one, but my need to know what he was saying to his fans about me overwhelmed my need to not open slowly healing wounds.

Bluntly put, he was pretty damned honest.  In fact, chapter 12 of the book is pretty much straight from our marriage.  Yes, I enabled him.  Yes, I was unable to keep my boundaries in place when dealing with him. I let my compassion for his illness overwhelm my own self-worth, to the point where I only had worth to the extent of how well I was helping him.  I let life with him worsen until I developed PTSD of my own from his own choices of losing control and choosing not to work on his issues.

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Categories: Mental Retraining | Tags: , , , | 5 Comments

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