We Each Have A Unique Voice

I’m inspired by people of all ages, it doesn’t matter if they are 8 or 80.  They all have a unique spirit, and a unique story. Too many times in this world, we don’t really look around and see the miracle of other people.

It may seem strange that someone as occasionally cynical and grumpy at the world that I can be, can be fascinated and inspired by the people in the world. Or even stranger, consider the diversity of humanity a miracle.

Well, Lindsey Stirling, to my mind, is one of those miracles.

It’s not just that she is a highly talented violinist.  Not just that she is an exquisite dancer.  Not just that she continually thanks her audience for their attention and support (unlike many musicians, she is genuinely thankful for her fans, and acknowledges that her success is not just because of her own hard work, but also because each and every one of her fans supports her).

She happily shares her stage with other creatives, such as:

AND she tries to inspire other people.  This is a quote from her bio on her website:

“A motivational speaker in her spare time, Stirling uses her own story to show teenagers that you’ve got to have confidence in the very thing that makes you unique — then wait for the world to catch up.”

This is exactly the same advice I tend to give my younger friends — because yes, I can be friends with people of all ages, and learn from each and every single one of them.

You see, I’ve always been afraid of my dreams.  Afraid of my passions.  Afraid that if I lose control, every single person in the world would see the monster I think lies within me.  That too is one of the issues I am working on with my therapist.

I’m well aware that I have a dark side.  Strangely enough, the supposed “dark side” is where I feel comfortable and safe.  I can show that side, because the night softens all of the edges.  It allows there to be a veil over me, and often shows me in the best light.

It’s actually the light that I fear.

And no, that’s not a misprint.  You see, in the light, nothing can be hidden.  Nothing can be cloaked in mystery.  Nothing can be softened or have less impact because there are no shadows to hide in.

And that, my friends, is one of the reasons I’ve run away from my true passion of art.  I like to blame my mother for being what amounts to a stage mom (using the negative connotation of course).  She and I have talked about it more recently, and she never intended for me to feel that way.  But my perception of it meant that as a child, I feared if I wasn’t “good enough” or “special enough” or even (Gods forbid) “successful enough,” that she wouldn’t love me.  And so, while being an artist requires practice to build beyond simple talent, I quit trying.  I walked away from it.  If I couldn’t be the best, then I wouldn’t do it at all.

Thing is, when it comes to ANY form of creativity, there is actually NO SUCH THING AS BEST! There is only doing your best, and expressing yourself in your own way.

I just wish it hadn’t taken over 35 years and a boatload of abuse leaving me absolutely incapable of doing anything else without massive amounts of pain or depression or anxiety.

I realize NOW that I have to express my passion.  I have to express my view of the world around me.

Year after year I felt like I was simply fading away, and living in someone else’s creative shadow because supposedly I didn’t have the talent to do anything but support them.

I no longer feel invisible, faded or ignored.  I feel free.  And I feel like for the first time, I have burst out of my bubble and am breathing the fresh air of freedom.

Categories: Creativity, Mental Retraining | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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