In any relationship, there are compromises to make.
NOTE: This is written from a heterosexual position, because that’s what I am familiar with. I don’t have clue #1 about the struggles of LGBTQ have in relation to this subject.
But there is one part that no matter how “enlightened” or “feminist” a man might be, he still has this part of the past that tells him certain things are “women’s work.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, there IS a small percentage of the males of our world who actually have figured out that we want them to be our partners. My current boyfriend is one of those. He cooks, he cleans (and sometimes does it even better than some of the women in his life).
But, whether they admit it or not, whether it is a conscious thought or not, most straight men just can’t understand.
There are a few points that I want to make very clear, because it seems these men don’t seem to hear it when their wives say it:
- You made half the mess (less if there are children), you are responsible for helping clean it. No, I do not mean you spend 10 minutes putting one pile into another pile and then saying you’re done.
- If you are embarrassed to invite people over because of the mess, instead of pointing the finger at your significant other, it’s time to realize you aren’t doing your share.
- The complaint of “…but I work a full-time job! I get to rest when I get home.”
Guess what, pookie…your significant other works a full time job too. But you most likely expect her to immediately start dinner, so you can eat before bedtime. And if you haven’t done the dishes, and she had no time to do them last night – she’s probably going to have to do a load before she cooks. The ONLY time this is even a small part a reasonable expectation is if your significant other is a stay-at-home (mom or not, because there are some women who stay at home without kids – although most of them are stay-at-home’s because of a health issue).
- What makes a good partner is initiative. If you see something is dirty or messy or in the wrong place, then take care of it instead of ignoring it or telling yourself that your significant other will deal with it. Don’t try to tell me you have absolutely no idea on how to do something unless you are willing to learn how instead of just blowing it off. You can go to YouTube and find a tutorial for damned near everything – including how to clean, dust and other household chores.
All three of us women in my marriage knew how to do many of the handyman jobs around the house, while the ex had not ever been taught those things. But it wasn’t until the last year of my marriage that he started actually wanting to learn how to do some of those things. Given how many apartments we ended up leaving with holes in the plaster from his inability to control his rage, learning how to spackle that kind of damage was kind of important.Additionally, he had to be nagged to do things like shovel the snow within the specified time limit of the cities we lived in. And he rarely if ever mowed the lawn. Given my arthritis issues with my back (and previous injuries), some of the physical issues of one of the other ladies, and the fact that the third was actually ALLERGIC to grass (to the point where she had to wear a face mask to mow), and the fact he rarely did any cleaning around the house, I think we were justified in being upset with him.
Just stop it, guys. Step up and quit expected us to spoon-feed you just to get even a LITTLE bit of help around the house. Get off your ass and help.