When The Stigma of Obesity Worked FOR Me!

Were you aware that there are so-called “dating sites” that cater to the concept of “sugar daddies?”

I will admit that about a year ago, on a day when I was in the midst of a very hard, very desperate depression, I signed up for the middle one of the list to the right.

If I had not been in that bad of a depression, I would have never actually considered actually signing up.

But, because of the stigma of obesity, I didn’t actually have a chance to regret that signup process.  And I certainly didn’t have enough time to have to make the choice between my desperation and my self-respect or my core principles and ethics.

Why?  Because when I woke up that next morning, I tried to login.  And the account had been deleted by the person who approved memberships. I was obviously, to them, not of “sugar baby caliber.”

Instead of being embarrassed, feeling rejected or experiencing a blow to my self-worth, I ended up laughing my ass off at the whole situation.

Part of the reason I was so amused was that the site’s owners and/or membership coordinators had such a narrow profile for what defined a “sugar baby.” Not everyone is looking for a relationship with a thin person.  And that includes the more affluent types.

In fact, I have dated a few very rich men, and a few who described themselves as “comfortably well-off.” So, I know there are more affluent men who like their women with some padding.  I haven’t stayed with them, because they didn’t fit my personality and I didn’t fit theirs.  In fact, more often than not, I was the one who ended the relationships.

What people find attractive is different for each individual.  Hell, my sister and I disagree firmly on the amount of body hair on the person we want to become intimate with – she prefers those who look like Chewbacca, while I prefer a man with a minimum of body hair.  And we have other ideas of the right kind of man that don’t match either.

This kind of decision is just like those idiots who have “no fat chicks” on their truck.  I can honestly say that not a single one of the men I’ve seen with that bumper sticker has been in ANY way attractive to me.  It boggles my mind that I can say at least half of the men with that on their vehicle have severely questionable hygiene habits, often including clothes that stink of being worn for multiple days.  Or they are wearing so much cologne that I literally choke on it.

But, it also made me realize even more that I need to limit my actual decision-making.  I can look at things, and perhaps consider them when I am depressed – but like when I’m angry, I will no longer make decisions that have an impact on me and my emotional state.

Because, honestly, I would have ended up deleting the account myself, once I came out of the depression, because my ethics, morals and principles would NOT have let me keep it active.  Love isn’t a transaction – giving me jewelry and expensive cars and expecting sex is an exchange of goods for services…..in other words, prostitution. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those people who looks down on sex workers.  I believe, in fact, that prostitution should be licensed (just like a therapist is) with routine STD checks regularly.  The fact that some of them are forced into the life because of desperation or being forced into it by another, or exploited by someone else, or even the underground sex slave trade is more than enough proof that throwing them in jail is not making any difference.  I’ve had my own experience with prostituting myself. When I was in my 20s, I prostituted myself – just not for money, but for affection. They got sex, I got cuddles. Thankfully, I learned better after only a few years of that.

For me, sex is not a transaction either.  The person I’m intimate with is not depriving me of anything, I am not “losing” anything or being taken advantage of.  I am sharing with that person a self-renewing resource.

My ethics and core principles require me to be honest not only with myself, but with any person I come in contact with.  My experience with my ex has only made those principles stronger, because in the process of hiding what he was doing to me, I ignored many of those principles.  I’m no longer willing to do so.  So, for me, actually having a relationship that is a financial transaction like this is lying to the other  person.  It’s saying to them that the only thing the sugar daddies are good for is their wallet.  And NO person deserves to ever be seen as just a “wallet.”

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Categories: Feminism, Gender Inequities, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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