Sleeping With Crazy

While I do enjoy listening to Taylor Swift’s Blank Space and Meghan Trainer’s Dear Future Husband, I find myself often annoyed by these songs and the attitude they seem to encourage.

It’s not just about the crass materialism. It’s that both songs seem to make a virtue out of being a “high maintenance” person (which should be pronounced “crazy”).

Wait the worst is yet to come, oh no
Screaming, crying, perfect storm
I can make all the tables turn
Rose gardens filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like
“Oh my God, who is she?”
I get drunk on jealousy
But you’ll come back each time you leave
’Cause darling I’m a nightmare
dressed like a daydream

So it’s gonna be forever
Or it’s gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it’s over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
’Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

Blank Space

Taylor Swift

Added emphasis is mine.

You gotta know how to treat me like a lady
Even when I’m acting crazy
Tell me everything’s alright

— — … (content excluded for brevity) … — —

After every fight
Just apologize
And maybe then I’ll let you try and rock my body right (right)
Even if I was wrong
[Laugh] You know I’m never wrong
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree?

— — … (content excluded for brevity) … — —

Don’t have a dirty mind
Just be a classy guy
Buy me a ring
Buy-buy me a ring

Dear Future Husband

Meghan Trainor

Added emphasis is mine.

Like I said, it’s not just about the materialism.I mean, really.  In our current economic environment, do we REALLY need to be all about things that don’t actually help you LIVE? And people wonder why women are only seen as gold-diggers, and only want to date rich men.  I’m not looking for a rich man – how much money he has is NOT on my list of what I want in my life.  Will I turn down a guy because he is rich? No, but I won’t turn down a guy for being poor either.  It just means that dates are different.

But I’m sickened by the encouragement of being crazy.  I get it, I do.  You feel insecure, you’re worried your partner is losing interest or doesn’t love you anymore.  The insecurity turns into obsession, and you start doing things like checking their text history on their phone or hacking into their social media.

But, people….REALLY?  We’re adults here.  USE YOUR FREAKING WORDS!!

Because this is NOT just a woman thing.  I used to say to my ex, back when I was celibate and he was dating assorted other polyamorous women, that he needed to remember to “DO NOT stick your dick in crazy!” Since then, I changed it, because my boyfriend had to talk me through a few infatuations with highly inappropriate men.  So, now it is much simpler: “DO NOT sleep with crazy!”

There are two parts to this:

  1. You have GOT to own up to the fact that your insecurity is YOURS, not your partner’s problem. No one can ever change anyone else, and if you want to be less insecure, then you need to work on that mental issue and work on your self-worth and self-esteem.  You need to ADMIT to yourself at least that you are expecting your partner to fulfill some fantasy vision of the “perfect partner” for you.  Sweetcakes, there ain’t no such thing!  No one can fulfill that fantasy.  THAT is why it is called a FANTASY!
  2. Obsession is a mental illness. If you can admit to yourself that you are obsessing, you have a personal responsibility to find a way to deal with it. And no, indulging in crazy is NOT the way to deal with it!

Look, any romantic relationship relies on honesty and trust as much as love and desire.  If you are not willing to trust the person, then why are you dating them??  Obsession and insecurity are signs of lack of trust, and if you are sneaking around hacking into their social media – that is in NO WAY any kind of trust.

Look, I damned near have a neon sign on my forehead that says: “WARNING: Trust Issues Ahead.” But one of the lessons I have learned from the past few years is that I have to trust the person(s) I am in a relationship with.  Doesn’t mean I don’t get insecure.  Doesn’t mean that in my depression that I don’t turn that insecurity into obsession.  What it DOES mean is that I am honest with my boyfriend when I’m feeling that way – without ANY expectation that he is going to change.  My insecurity and obsession is NOT his fault – it’s my own self-worth issues popping up. And trust me, he gets insecure and obsessive sometimes too – and he admits it.

I don’t care if you’re 21 or 81, quit manipulating your partner(s), quit acting crazy and grow the fuck up!

Categories: Mental Retraining, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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