Romance and Love

via This Guy’s Opinion Of Why Men Don’t Like Romance Is Eye-Opening

This article still seems to look at romantic love as a transaction.  And while, yes, it is written from a heterosexual viewpoint, there is a lot about love and romance that has to be more than just a binary or polar set of options with one person on one side and the other on the other end of the spectrum.

Long-term relationships require work on BOTH sides of the relationship. There should be no total passivity on either side, nor total dominance (outside of a clearly defined and contracted BDSM relationship). If one person in the relationship is being carried by the other 100% of the time, then frankly the one doing the carrying needs to leave or risk total emotional annihilation.

I’m so tired of the idea that females are by “Nature” passive in their gender role, and that men are by “Nature” always going to be the active one.

Not every man is naturally dominant, nor is any woman naturally submissive (hell, I’m an example of that last – independent and stubborn to the core). Do the gender roles of both men and women seem to force those roles? Yes, which is why feminists (of any gender) are fighting for a more equal world.

PEOPLE should not have to be forced to be or do anything that is contrary to who they really are.

I expect a man to be my partner, my equal.  I expect that just like he’s there for me when I’m weak, that he will let me be there for him when he is.  I acknowledge when he has more knowledge of something than I do, and I expect him to do the same.

Every human being has different strengths and weaknesses.  Everyone has different talents.  And it should be a no-brainer that in a relationship of equals, the person with the best talent for things would be the person to do them. If that talent is leadership, they should take point – regardless of some out-moded gender roles.

Categories: Christianity, Feminism, Gender Inequities, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Romance and Love

  1. That’s the problem. Maybe all morality dissolves once we get to romantic relationships. There’s a reason people like Bill Cosby and Ian Watkins got away with it for so long. You can find dirty secrets about nearly every man who found himself in a position of power.

    Sex (and romance) are ugly. They’re a world where only attraction matters, not how good you are, equality or other noble concepts. Sexual fantasies are never about a firefighter or a doctor or a person who just had a heart-to-heart talk with someone and got them out of alcoholism.

    I want romance to be about equal partnership, about love, about building each other and so forth. But I see the opposite. “Some things never get better/like used cars and bad livers/so you traded her in/for a better looking brand” – The Blood Brothers.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m too burned out to try to prove myself wrong. Romance is ugly and what’s the point, anyway?

    • Unfortunately, as long as some people are stuck in the paradigm of love as a transaction, it’s going to be ugly. Love isn’t about any kind of tit-for-tat or any other kind of contract or bargain. It’s people who think of love as a buying/selling of emotion that make for ugly relationships. It’s those kind of people who are always going to want to “trade up” or grab a “trophy spouse.” They are NEVER going to have a relationship that satisfies, because that kind of love is only fleeting, never growing.

      And attraction isn’t always what you think it is. More often than not, the people around me (and myself) fall in love with personality rather than body attraction. Why? Because bodies change as they get older. You’re not always going to look good, but if it’s REAL love, it doesn’t matter. And as for someone being attracted to me, I needed to change my body signals and facial expressions before I started getting any real attraction to me. It’s not just about having a “resting bitch face” so much as while I was holding on desperately to my Ice Queen persona to protect myself, I repelled people rather than attracted them. Once I got out of the relationship that I needed that protection, and once I allowed myself to take the risk of being vulnerable, I’ve pretty much not had any problems attracting someone. It’s NOT about body – but about what you project to the world.

      Sexual fantasies? I don’t fantasize about a particular job or avocation – I fantasize about the person. You are not defined by what you do, but who you are. I could easily fantasize about a ditch digger or a stable hand if their core personality is what I am looking for, or a fire fighter (tho, every time he went out to a fire, I would worry – same with a policeman or an active duty soldier) – it’s all about who they are inside rather than what they look like.

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