I saw the first experiment from these people, and was pretty freaking pissed about it. Now this one, I’m just as pissed.
Why? Because men are victims too.
I have heard EVERY SINGLE ONE of the comments made to this man directed at me for sticking around being mentally and emotionally abused. And I’ve witnessed women who have been physically and sexually abused told the exact same comments.
Look, on an average and in general, men are “bigger and stronger.” But not on an individual level. And sadly, I have yet to have witnessed a physically abusive woman who was not ALSO a mentally and emotionally abusive woman as well. More often than not, the woman tends to also be a “gaslighter.”
In fact, more often than not, most abusive women START with gaslighting. Why? Because it gets the man they are abusing to think of himself as a victim. It destroys their will to defend themselves, just like it destroys a woman’s will.
There is a reason I trust women less than men. I’m working on that issue, but I will NEVER stop fighting against the bullshit that women are taught. Frankly, heterosexual women are taught not just to be victims, not just to be willing to give everything up for their families, but are ALSO taught to dominate the family by using gaslighting tactics. They are told from day one that they are weaker than men, so the only way to keep themselves “safe” is to emotionally manipulate the men in their lives.
And it’s so damned rampant in our society, that ANY form of emotional communication causes immediate fear and defensiveness.
I try very hard to communicate my emotional state without blaming the other person for it (and sometimes, sadly, I fail spectacularly). And often, in the process of discussing the emotional situation, it becomes fairly obvious that the issue is not what is “happening” – but how I am perceiving what is going on.
For example, if I haven’t heard from my boyfriend in a few days, I sometimes experience pain and anxiety, thinking he’s trying to leave the relationship. My intellect knows damned well what’s going on (most times it’s due to duties and obligations he must fulfill), but my anxiety, fear and self-worth issues pop up – and my brain starts running around like a hamster on a wheel (short term for this issue is: “hamstering”). Logic gets overwhelmed by my fears.
And sometimes this leads to arguments, because he has his own emotional issues, fears and defensive reactions.
Sometimes I wonder how it is that men have been required to build this false exterior where the only emotional states they have are anger, horniness, and aggression. Somehow we’ve got this idea that not only are mean “beasts” but that they have absolutely none of the “softer” emotions.
I don’t care WHO you are, or what gender identity you have. You have NO excuse to abuse ANYONE else – including men.