Mrs. Grundy Has Never Been a Friend

Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.

Lazerus Long
Time Enough for Love
(Robert Heinlein)

The fact that the name Mrs. Grundy shows up in so many books tells me that the mysterious “They” that people refer to has always been a thing.

The reality is there will always be those people who get their jollies from telling us exactly how we are not acting in a socially approved manner. Who love to stand on a moral high ground in public, but sin in private.

Worrying about what the Mrs. Grundys of the world think about you and judge you on, is a useless waste of energy.

Live your life by your moral principles, because you alone are responsible for the consequences of your choices.  I’d rather be happy, ignoring the rest of the world’s opinion and living up to my standards and principles than miserable and living by someone else’s standards.

The only “sin” I see is doing deliberate harm to another. If you want to harm yourself, and refuse all help to keep you from doing so, far be it from me to save you from your own stupidity.


DO NOT ignore a cry for help. Even those who are playing emotional games with you STILL need help.

Educate yourself on what tools are available, and make sure you share those tools with friends or loved ones who are talking suicide.

But, you cannot FORCE someone else to get the help they need.  If you’ve given them the tools and they still play games with you, you may have to limit your interaction with them.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m sympathetic to the ones who are truly suicidal, who do not know about the assorted tools and support offered for them. However, that group is shrinking because so many of the teens know how to do a basic Google search, and damned near every tool to help is online.  And the people who can talk, the phone numbers to reach them are online as well.

No, I’m talking about the ones who either don’t bother to try to make a real suicide attempt, or who only “try” when it is a sure thing someone will find them and “save” them. The ones who trade on the idea that talk of suicide scares the people around them, and makes them want to do whatever they can to get the person to not try to commit suicide.  It’s just a form of emotional manipulation, and rarely actually comes to fruition.  I had originally learned that lesson from a friend of mine who actually someone who had really tried to commit suicide.  If they really want to do it, nothing and no one can actually stop them unless they institutionalize them, and even then the patient has to be kept on a constant suicide watch.

I forgot it with my ex.  He’d use the concept of suicidal ideation to control the emotions of the people around him, and get things his way.  I finally remembered it this last few years, and started responding as my friend had taught me.  When he found that it no longer controlled me, he had to find other ways.

So, it all comes around to realizing that you – and you alone – can choose your fate.  You can choose to hand over control of your life and your emotions to someone – and if that someone is honorable and ethical, it can even work.  But, it’s you that makes the choice.  And if you find out that you handed that power over to someone who abuses it, you STILL have the right to take it back.  It is NEVER too late to take back your power.


Categories: Body Positivity, Non-Monogamy, Sexual Positivity | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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