Monthly Archives: July 2015

Domestic Violence Is Wrong – No Matter the Gender

via He was physically abused by his girlfriend. When he hit back, this happened..

I saw the first experiment from these people, and was pretty freaking pissed about it.  Now this one, I’m just as pissed.

Why?  Because men are victims too.

I have heard EVERY SINGLE ONE of the comments made to this man directed at me for sticking around being mentally and emotionally abused. And I’ve witnessed women who have been physically and sexually abused told the exact same comments.

Look, on an average and in general, men are “bigger and stronger.”  But not on an individual level.  And sadly, I have yet to have witnessed a physically abusive woman who was not ALSO a mentally and emotionally abusive woman as well.  More often than not, the woman tends to also be a “gaslighter.”

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Categories: Gender Inequities | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Recovering from Being a Superhero, One Day at a Time

Does anyone remember the whole discussion of being a “superwoman” from the late 1970s and 1980s?  No?  Well, guess what – too damned many of us are STILL doing it.  Of course, it may just be my generation – who was “coming of age” during that whole era of “having it all” for women.

And the reality is, I didn’t “have it all.”  In terms of the superwoman syndrome, I failed.  Why? Because I didn’t have any children.  It’s not that I didn’t want them, it’s that I just couldn’t have them.  But, for a long time, I tried to do the whole full-time job, and full-time wife.  This included being editor, proofer and first reader for my ex’s attempts at writing a book (he actually has most of 2 different ones written, but I don’t think he has the gumption to be able to face the repeated rejections and mandatory editorial changes it requires to actually get a book published).

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Feminism Is NOT in an Inverse Proportion with Attractiveness

I keep coming across these stereotypes, not just on Facebook, but pretty much everywhere in the United States, that the “more attractive” a woman is, the less likely she is to be a feminist.

I have a quick answer for you, and a much longer one.

The quick answer?  Go Google Emma Watson.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  Are you going to tell me that she isn’t what is considered “conventionally attractive?”  And she is happily and strongly feminist.

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Categories: Body Positivity, Gender Inequities | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

More Than a Single Standard of Beauty

via Beauty Photos All Sizes Curves.

A lot of the women in this slideshow are what would be considered “normal beauty.”  But, each and every one of them has their own issues with their bodies.  From the African-American woman with albinism, to the thin woman in the wheelchair, to the model who was told she was “too fat” at 48 kilos (for us Americans, that’s slightly over 105 lbs), to the truly plus size women.

These women are beautiful, not only because they are models, but also because they stand for themselves.  They don’t allow themselves to be marginalized simply because they are not “perfect.”

And that is the main standard that we should be striving for.  Standing up and refusing to be marginalized.  It doesn’t matter why we’ve been marginalized, we have allowed ourselves to be.  We’ve bought into the lies that we don’t deserve better.  We’ve let the screeching voice inside and out to define us.

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Yet Another Way To Fail

via What Poverty Does to Your Brain – attn:.

There is so much about the human brain that we still don’t know.  Shortly after I left my ex-husband, I came across a medical article discussing the fact that mental and emotional abuse actually causes chemical brain damage – specifically in women it limits the production of cortisol (while in men it overproduces it), weakens the immune system, and can damage or even kill neurons in the hippocampus leading to memory and other cognitive issues.

Now, the medical community is noting that poverty limits the actual growth of brain tissue.

This isn’t a rant about financial inequities, or calling for a “Robin Hood tax.”  It’s not a liberal rant that those with more money should short-change their children to be more “fair” to those living in poverty.

It is simply a note about the realities of what is going on in the brain in different socio-economic situations. Continue reading

Categories: General Contemplation | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Binary Thinking is Only for Computers

via I Am NOT Cisgendered | J Nelson Aviance.

Look, gender identity is a spectrum, so is sexual identity.

We may seem to live our lives on the Internet, but that doesn’t excuse binary thinking in human beings. Binary thinking limits us into an either/or situation, where every experience and every choice is either one thing or its polar opposite.

And not every disagreement means we’re “showing our privilege.” Continue reading

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My Love Loves “Thick” Women

I watched this video, as it popped up along the side when I went to to find the original posting of the video I shared in yesterday’s post.

And it hurt.  It hurt because I see that same issue in MY boyfriend’s eyes.  I have occasionally cringed when he’s given me a sincere compliment, because he does admittedly like bigger ladies.  But I see the self-hate in his own eyes when he looks at himself.

He’s a beautiful man, inside and out.  He’s confident, strong and so very capable.

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I Am Beautiful

The fact that we have a “norm” that means that 1/2 of the damned human race has to denigrate themselves in order to be accepted by society is just another damned symptom that we are living in an extremely sick culture. And the fact that the OTHER half of the human race has a similar issue (but that half is expected to be “body obsessed”) again is the same problem. Continue reading

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Never-Ending Education 

I have always been a science fiction and fantasy fan, ever since I started reading. I caught the bug from my father, in whose library depths I have swum most of my life.

Part of the reason why I love this genre (and its close sibling the thriller/horror genre) is that often the GOOD writers make me think. They offer me a different perspective on so many subjects, including (or perhaps, especially) the current psycho-socio-political landscape. And the GENIUSES of the genres do even more, because regardless of when the books were written, they often still offer those important perspectives.

And when two geniuses together create a book (especially after one of them is dead), the resulting book makes you think even more.

I just finished re-reading Variable Star, a book started by Robert A. Heinlein, and completed by Spider Robinson. Continue reading

Categories: General Contemplation | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Are You Good Enough

I had a dream the other night, in which one of my oldest and dearest friends looked at me and said: “”I’m surprised he’s dating you. He can do so much better than you.”

Frankly, I woke up rather upset (especially since I woke up just after she said this).

I talked it over with my sister, and she gave me some assorted different things to consider, particularly that if something like this is coming up, I may have recovered enough to be able to face it.

The reason I was struggling with it was because I felt I didn’t hate myself that much.  That my subconscious was telling me things I don’t believe.  I don’t like the concept of putting others (or myself) on a pedestal.  It’s unfair to the person you are putting there.  Human beings aren’t perfect, and when you put someone on a pedestal you become hurt and confused when they inevitably make mistakes. But there’s obviously something in my subconscious that is doing it anyways. Continue reading

Categories: Body Positivity, General Contemplation, Non-Monogamy | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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